World's Craziest and Cruelist Inu Yasha Pairings
by SangoShadowphoenix
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Try it! Be CREATIVE! Here's the disclaimer:Me no own IYCo.!
1. Author's Note: MUST READ ch 1june 25

**I'm so sorry!!!!**

Okay, I know everyone's mad at me for not updating this fic, plus everything else. I also know that everyone's read tons of these before, so I will say it once (already did) and no more.

The true reason, though, is that I have changed the story. When Ii first wrote this, the Sango/Sesshoumaru pairing and the Kagome/Naraku pairing seemed absolutely hilarious and outrageous. And then the pairings became more common. And many worked out quite fine.

So, my resolution is to re-pair characters, and this time it WILL NOT be expected. _grin_. And guess what? I ain't telling who's with who until the fated chapter, and it WILL have a storyline this time, though a short, jumping here to there type. I'll try to make it as smooth as possible. Also, pairings are satisfied, unlike my first edition, so we have disgusting, happy-go-lucky pairings. I'm sooo evil.

A little notification of the way the pairings will be done; only humanoid, for lack of a better word, characters will be chosen. Ihave all the pairings save for two characters, so they go last. And, only the MAIN characters, or the ones revolving or following the main characters around are chosen. I'm sorry to say it, but it makes my writing easier. Gomen ne!

There will also be no girl-girl or guy-guy pairings. I am not against homosexual relationships, but the nature of this fic is a twisted, evil, humor sort of thing; I feel that if I were to write a homosexual pairing, I would not be able to make it realistic (or as much as this fic asks for it to be), nor would I be able to write it in such a way as to be assured people do not take offence to it, or allow people to use it to make offence.

The next important thing you readers need to know, is that the situations are, like, 40 true. For example, (no this is not a pairing) the first time Rin met Kohaku was when he kidnapped her, I believe (if it isn't, imagine it is). I would work on that.  
Say, the manga events were as follows: K. kidnaps R., then brings her to the hut to confine her in; Sesshoumaru comes and rescues her after killing off all the youkai guarding the hut.  
Then I would tamper with it and go something like: K. kidnaps R., takes her to see Kagura and Kanna for orders, _then_ locks her in a hut. Sesshoumaru _and _Jaken come, materializes _in_ the hut and take her away.   
Just some little tampering like that. I may even end up killing off some characters, but oh wells. _grin_. 

The time line may have also changed, sorry... and, all characters will have actually met in the original Takahashi story, and Ii'll work me magic frum zere. However, my lack of rememberance and laziness to check may cause me to make up encounters and first encounters and such. Oh well. Too bad.

If any of you for some reason want to know the pairingsI put up last time, here it is. There was never a satisfied pairing (no mutual feelings; if was always a love triangle, or chain, per ce), and I stopped at Naraku.  
Sango - Sesshoumaru - Kanna -Shippou (end of chain)  
Kirara -Kohaku -Kagome -Naraku (end of story at the time).

Thanks for all your support last time, this time, in this story and otherwise. Love you all lots!


	2. Chapter 1: Drifting Feathers

**1**

**Drifting Feathers**

The first time I saw them, his figure was etched into my mind. I felt disgust, bile rising in my throat. I didn't think _anyone_ could be so ugly!

First I watched from afar as he hopped to and fro, chasing the human girl, as their leader leaned on a tree to the side, his long white hair shimmering. He seemed so happy to be in his master's presence, as if his master's single gaze could uplift all the burdens on his little head.

The Saimyoushou buzzed beside my ear, their endless chatter an itch I couldn't get rid of.  
A/N: _Saimyoushou_ are Naraku's hell wasps.

It was time to announce my presence.

Lifting my weapon, I swept it up, my mask falling in place, my eyes cold. The subtle change in wind direction had the white-haired young man up and narrowing amber eyes in my direction.

I felt my heart race.

My blood pounded in my ears, and I noted the message the Saimyoushou delivered into my mind. Naraku wanted to see how precious the human was to the leader, and see how well he could defend her.

The clearing was quiet, and I flipped open my weapon. _Thrack._ I charged towards their group, and made a flying leap towards the girl, who was obviously scared, though determined to keep her eyes open for any other traps. This would please her master, I'm sure. I smiled. More like grinned, at the thought, but my opponent took it the other way. As over confidence and under estimation.

Good. Let him think what he wants. It was then that his servant spoke up, offering help. Startled out of my thoughts, I gasped silently at the blades headed for the servant.

_No! No no no no NO!_ It wasn't supposed to happen. The blades weren't supposed to be targeting him. The white-haired one was my opponent, not _him!_

Using all the energy I had left, I pulled back my blades and felt the immediate effect as my knees weakened and my grip on my weapon loosened.

I glared long and hard at the young man.

And then I left.

* * *

The next time I saw them was when their leader fought his half brother. The human girl was hiding with his half-brother's human girl. As were the followers of both brothers. I marvelled as they fought one another. It was a memory that I would forever remember. He amazed me then.

He amazed me with his simple helplessness. Hoplessness. _Stupidity._

And after the fight, after he came so dangerously close to death through that damn monk's hands, I nearly ripped my heart out when I found out what it was that intrigued me about him. Yes, I almost ripped my own heart out. Silly, ne? Naraku's threats of doing just that to my heart must be getting to my head, because now every time I think of him, his figure, his loyalty, I feel like ripping out my heart and offering it to him. I no longer have to wait for Naraku to do it.

Speaking of him, he no longer holds my heart. The white haired man's servant does. Well, I guess they both hold my heart in different ways, but I'd rather think myself free to give whatever to whomever. And surely, had it been reality, I'd give myself wholey to him.

I was scared shitless when the monk pounded him relentlessly, when he helplessly gaped at his master for help.

Helpless.

He was helpless, as was I. Though in totally different situations, of course. But because of his helplessness, I was drawn to him. I ... I _liked_ him.

* * *

There was a period of time to which I was assigned the supervision of the white haired young man and his company. Though they never noticed, I often caught the leader suspiciously tasting the air, narrow eyes narrowing even more.

It was a time when I could stare at my distress from afar. Yes, distress. I was distressed at why I felt attraction to such a being, a _thing._

But one night, as he tended the fire, an anonymous bird's down feather drifted down in front of his face. His master was sitting and leaning on a tree, eyes closed as he rested, as the human girl slept close to the fire and their transportation. Well, the servant and the girl's, anyhow.

As the feather drifted, he caught it in his gaze, and turned thoughtful eyes to his master, as if wanting to clarify something he couldn't figure out. That's right. Because he was stupid. Was I stupid for feeling for him?

"Sesshoumaru-sama?" he asked.  
A/N: _-sama_ can trans. to Lord/Lady; a respectful term, essentially.

The lord honoured him with a gaze.

"What do you think that Kagura-wench encounter was for?"

The lord frowned at him, as did I. He really was stupid; Sesshoumaru had already told him a thousand times that it was a test of his strength. I knew because Naraku was keeping tabs on their little group via Kanna's mirror and kept telling me how stupid the servant was for his repeated inquiry.

He was _hopeless. _

As was I.

* * *

_I'm so _stupid

Why, one may ask, was I frustrated with myself? Well, take a look around me. My stupidity at thinking I could get away with vistiting Sesshoumaru's little troop — and _him_, I'll admit — only ended me here. In this dump. This rooten dump. This rotten dump that reeks of Naraku. This rotten dump that reeks of Naraku and ... you get it now?

Yes. I can now openly admit it. I love him. Love the way his eyes sparkle as he looks admiringly up at Sesshoumaru, the way his lips tighten into a thin line frowning at the human girl. I loved him so much I now wanted to be free from Naraku not just to be my own person, but to be with him. And guess what? His admittance to liking me did nothing to quell that determination.

Yes. He admitted he liked me. Can you believe it? I can feel myself turning all giddy, into one of those little innocent village girls I had never been. He _liked_ me. He _loved_ me. _Me._ Why? I remember I'd asked him, too, too shocked at the idea that we had mutual feelings. Positive mutual feelings.

"Why do you love me? Feel for me?" I'd asked. He'd swalloed a nervous gulp and looking down at his feet, shuffling them. Aww... he's blushing!

"You are... the most beautiful person I have ever seen... and ... that time, when you could have slain me, you did not..." he croaked. He'd always croaked when he spoke, but I liked it. It made him _him. _He still spoke formally, as he'd been taught to, but I didn't mind.

"I tried, since, you know, you are the underling of that vile Naraku," I cringed at the word 'underling,' but felt my heart swell as I remembered the words 'I tried.' He continued: "but I haven't a clue as to how to keep this feeling, this foreign longing down. Do say something."

I smiled instead. A warm, happy smile. My first true smile. I was so glad we were alone, as he'd used the excuse of gathering firewood to chase after me, and I'd picked him up by the back of his collar and taken him out of the lord's senses to be sure we were alone. Back of the collar because I didn't trust myself not to swoon and drop him, as I held him while we rode my feather. I could have just let him sit himself, but where was the comfort in that? I needed to touch him for him to comfort me.

After that, we'd talked little, just enjoying one another's company. I listened to him boast of his loyalty to Sesshoumaru and how he'd be just as loyal to me. How he'd convince his lord to find a way to free me, without telling him, so that if he disagreed with our bonds he'd already have saved me. We parted ways after a while, me dropping him off by a spring for him to wash my scent off, close to his campsite. But before I left, I gave Jakken a kiss. A real kiss. My first kiss.

But I was stupid to think that an encounter would set me free. Far from it. It made Naraku angry, suspicious.

"Kagura." He'd hissed. Low and demanding. Cruel and menacing. The servants always teased behind my back that he was overpossessive of me because he liked me. Ha ha. What a joke. I knew better.

I was stupid, he was stupid. I was hopeless, and so was he. I was helpless, just like my Jakken.

Yes, we were definitely a pair.

I sighed and tried to think of my love, so that perhaps, this torture could be sweetened by honey memories of him.

I smiled in my dark dungeon as I thought of our kiss, our time together, and the next time I'd see him. Yes, the next time. My love, my determination, my hope, my light. My Jakken.

* * *

Ewwww!! Have you any idea how hard it is to keep from puking as I wrote the words "my Jakken?" Ew, I did it again.

I by no means hate any IY character. I even have an understanding of Kikyou, though I often _say_ I hate her. Here, Kagura says she's stupid, but I by no means think she is. It's just those times when you reflect on something you did and sulk about it, you know? And I called Jakken stupid too, and made him to be. I'm sure he is intelligent to some degree (it's not proven he's a TOTAL doufushow the heck do you spell it?, so let's give him the benefit of the doubt), it's just that he needs to keep asking things for the sake of the fic, and it portrays that he keeps her in mind. Heh. Creative, huh? _rolls eyes._

I don't really like this chapter, as both characters are not as familiar to me as the main IY characters, so it sorta sucked. And boy, I expected it to be as short as the originals, but it seems that my hands have better ideas. Hm. Bad hands, bad!

Do review and tell me how it is; suggestions on if I should add actual dialogue especially. As with the original, I tried to write a story with no dialogue whatsoever. I did it once in sixth grade with a thrity-page story and found it to be a challenge to keep it interesting. Nevertheless I got a 99. Yeah! But really, for this fic I had wanted to try it, expect for the last line, the line that tells what the pairing is. I added more in this version, so please do tell me how you guys think of it! Please!


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